Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Little fish in a big pond....
Ever felt like a little fish in a big pond? Just swimming and swimming.. only to go or get no where? That is how I have felt for the last 6 months or so.
Yes, I repeatedly try to stay positive and stick to my "content" mantra. It really isn't working.
Our new location is a challenge in itself. Add homeschool challenges in the mix and well life has been just a big pond and I'm that little fish lost in there somewhere. The location just isn't my cup of tea.. I like the post and that's about it. Add hubby's new position and challenges of his new job makes for less family time. When he is home, he wants to sleep. Who can blame a man who works nearly 16 hours a day? Not me, but I do.. I want to make up for lost time. You can't... I want to be supportive and I am trying. The traffic here is crazy and no matter where you go you nearly have to every time take an interstate.. I am working on ways around this, however, not always possible. Just to get anywhere you have to drive 30+ minutes. No joke! For a small town girl, that can be a bit overwhelming.
Homeschooling here has been an issue before we even moved. I was shocked that I wanted to continue! I mean in all honesty I never thought I would be that parent. However, as usual God laughed. He put the burden on me and the first year was a challenge, but rewarding! I enjoyed it and I felt the kids did too. When I found out we were moving, I wanted to use the same curriculum that we were using. The state here makes that hard. I had to enroll our kids in the regular B&M school here for 8 days! Yep! Craziness! I got snide comments, rude looks, and who knows what else from the staff there. The kids enjoyed 8 days (last 8 days of the school year) with field trips, movie days, parties, and etc. So after fighting our way into the system here, we are finally enrolled! Now everyday is a new adventure to say the least! Not in a good way. The state is now requiring students of this program to do so much more! So the program keeps adding on things and changing everything on a weekly basis. They are really becoming just like a B&M, teaching for the standardized tests! I do not like that! This curriculum is supposed to be at your own pace etc. Not so much! The online sessions you are required to attend with your teachers, cover information that you are not even working on in the curriculum. So it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Not to mention, this state has some heavy requirements on their standardized testing, it is a fail or pass. You fail, you are held back a grade. To say that I am worried how that will affect my children is an understatement!
All the extra stress of the state requirements has made it hard to enjoy the HS adventure this year. Even worse, I feel I can't discuss this with my hubby. Every thing I say that is just a gripe about the rough day or something, he uses it as fuel as to why we should not HS. He was supportive of this decision and saw the impact and how well it went last year. This year, I have doubts all of my own. I feel I have left the stranded. I have been overwhelmed by the new place, with all the state requirements that are constantly changing with this program, and everything in between. I have felt like other parents, they should be able to do this on their own. That is how it is set up anyway.. Well, yes it is set up that way, but I am coming to realize my kids are not ready for that. In some subjects yes, but those that require more "teaching" I need to be doing just that. Teaching. They are picking up the frustration and well to say that it has been stressful is putting it lightly. I want to be able to talk to my husband without fear that he will jump on the B&M bandwagon every time. Just let me vent. I feel I listen to his day and I just want the same respect. Many times I have tried to tell him, but backed out. I guess next year will be another change... That is another story, who knows what I will do then.
Just feeling lost and like I have no one to talk to.
Yes, I repeatedly try to stay positive and stick to my "content" mantra. It really isn't working.
Our new location is a challenge in itself. Add homeschool challenges in the mix and well life has been just a big pond and I'm that little fish lost in there somewhere. The location just isn't my cup of tea.. I like the post and that's about it. Add hubby's new position and challenges of his new job makes for less family time. When he is home, he wants to sleep. Who can blame a man who works nearly 16 hours a day? Not me, but I do.. I want to make up for lost time. You can't... I want to be supportive and I am trying. The traffic here is crazy and no matter where you go you nearly have to every time take an interstate.. I am working on ways around this, however, not always possible. Just to get anywhere you have to drive 30+ minutes. No joke! For a small town girl, that can be a bit overwhelming.
Homeschooling here has been an issue before we even moved. I was shocked that I wanted to continue! I mean in all honesty I never thought I would be that parent. However, as usual God laughed. He put the burden on me and the first year was a challenge, but rewarding! I enjoyed it and I felt the kids did too. When I found out we were moving, I wanted to use the same curriculum that we were using. The state here makes that hard. I had to enroll our kids in the regular B&M school here for 8 days! Yep! Craziness! I got snide comments, rude looks, and who knows what else from the staff there. The kids enjoyed 8 days (last 8 days of the school year) with field trips, movie days, parties, and etc. So after fighting our way into the system here, we are finally enrolled! Now everyday is a new adventure to say the least! Not in a good way. The state is now requiring students of this program to do so much more! So the program keeps adding on things and changing everything on a weekly basis. They are really becoming just like a B&M, teaching for the standardized tests! I do not like that! This curriculum is supposed to be at your own pace etc. Not so much! The online sessions you are required to attend with your teachers, cover information that you are not even working on in the curriculum. So it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Not to mention, this state has some heavy requirements on their standardized testing, it is a fail or pass. You fail, you are held back a grade. To say that I am worried how that will affect my children is an understatement!
All the extra stress of the state requirements has made it hard to enjoy the HS adventure this year. Even worse, I feel I can't discuss this with my hubby. Every thing I say that is just a gripe about the rough day or something, he uses it as fuel as to why we should not HS. He was supportive of this decision and saw the impact and how well it went last year. This year, I have doubts all of my own. I feel I have left the stranded. I have been overwhelmed by the new place, with all the state requirements that are constantly changing with this program, and everything in between. I have felt like other parents, they should be able to do this on their own. That is how it is set up anyway.. Well, yes it is set up that way, but I am coming to realize my kids are not ready for that. In some subjects yes, but those that require more "teaching" I need to be doing just that. Teaching. They are picking up the frustration and well to say that it has been stressful is putting it lightly. I want to be able to talk to my husband without fear that he will jump on the B&M bandwagon every time. Just let me vent. I feel I listen to his day and I just want the same respect. Many times I have tried to tell him, but backed out. I guess next year will be another change... That is another story, who knows what I will do then.
Just feeling lost and like I have no one to talk to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)